Regret is a welder, an expert mason and an accomplished architect. It has passion for erecting walls that climb higher than the sky should allow. Government doesn’t grant these building permits so I feel regret should be illegal. Regret is a thief of many kinds; a time thief, a peace of mind thief, a happiness thief. Stealing the life from our hearts and trying to steal the future from our grasp.
I’m tired of being tired of regret. I’m tired of my regret binding me to my past. I am tired of the wave of ugh that passes over me every time I think about those years I was wrapped up in my shit, in my problems, in my head, in my pain, in my fears, in my nothingness, in my depths of despair. I’m tired of thinking about it. I’m tired of remembering. I’m tired of regretting how I destroyed myself. How I destroyed parts of my self that are dead and gone, that are never coming back.
I don’t have a time machine that will whisk me back and make me choose right when I chose left. I don’t have that power. I’ve worked hard and cried so many fiery blood soaked tears that I hoped would form a river that would carry me to someplace where I could land and stand in a spot where I know I was free.
Now I’ve coming running back to slay all these dragons, again. I gotta put the past to sleep. Let it lie dead never to be risen again. ”How?” is the eternal question.